


Outtakes from The Sea in Between: Shiro: The Past is Present

by Oh_Contrary



Series: The Sea in Between [3]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Dissociation, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Flashbacks, Galra Keith (Voltron), Hurt Shiro (Voltron), Hurt/Comfort, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, emotional angst, mild shallura
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-19
Updated: 2017-03-19
Packaged: 2018-10-07 12:45:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10360806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Oh_Contrary/pseuds/Oh_Contrary
Summary: Takes place during Chapter seven ofThe Sea in BetweenKeith was coming out of the healing pod as a galra and Shiro just wasn't ready. Unfortunately, he was out of time.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hi loves!
> 
> We're back with even more angst!
> 
> I wanted to write a panic attack and I haven't spent enough time with Shiro, so... This!
> 
> Again, this is an outtake from my larger fic [The Sea in Between](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9216500/chapters/20903678), and might not make sense without reading that piece.
> 
> Warnings for representation of panic attacks and dissociative states. Please note, this is based on my own experience and will not be accurate for all representations of anxiety, and likely isn't accurate for representations of PTSD.
> 
> Let me know if there are trigger/content warnings I need to add!
> 
> xoxo,  
> Tay

The healing pod’s mechanisms began to slow and the internal machinery whirred to a stop. In seconds, Allura was across the room, closely followed by Pidge and Coran, who was holding the mirrored disc they had discussed. They had concluded it would be unfair to try and talk to Keith about something so closely tied to his appearance without him being aware of what he looked like. Essentially, they had contingency plans for any number of reactions Keith could have to his situation. 

Shiro felt a hand on his shoulder. Hunk was looking at him, eyes tight but full of compassion. Shiro shook himself and took a deep breath. This wasn’t about him. It was about Keith and helping him through this bizarre change. They would do it together.

The glass on the pod began to rise and Keith’s eyelids fluttered. His ears twitched and all of his muscles seemed to tense, before he was falling. Allura caught him beneath the arms and he gripped her shoulders, trying to get his shaking legs beneath him. He opened his yellow eyes and winced. Shiro flinched backwards and felt Hunk place a steadying hand on his back. 

He wanted to feel comforted by it. He wanted to feel comforted by anything right now, but all he could think of was the small galra in front of him. The one with his best friend’s face. It was such a small, harmless movement. Keith flinched. Allura said something about light, that should have been the end of it. But, when he winced, his top lip drew back and a pointed fang shone in his mouth and that was enough to bring back the nightmares from the last four nights. 

His subconscious was jumbled. An unsolved jigsaw puzzle of his year with the galra and his childhood back on Earth. He saw himself in fights from the gladiator ring, but he was never the right age. He was twelve, fighting with stick lightsabers against an eight year old Keith but the Keith in his dream would morph into an opponent in the ring. The worst thing about his ring opponents was that they, like him, hadn’t wanted to be there. They were both just fighting for their lives. The Keith he saw turned desperate, feral, with unseeing yellow eyes and childlike wails. Shiro couldn’t keep track of when he was, who he was with, or whether or not he was endangered. Every night he would shake awake, sometimes with a yell, sometimes with a gasp, sometimes with the revelation of tears leaking backwards into his ears, again and again until he walked himself to the med bay. He was never sure if what he saw was better or worse than what he’d dreamt.

“What happened to me?” Keith asked, voice rasping out of a throat dry from days in the med bay. Shiro looked at him: eyes squinting from strain, legs steadier, but still weak. Already he was trying to be okay for them.

“Keith,” Allura said gently, “Unfortunately, I didn’t get to explain your situation beforehand, and I understand that you will need time to figure this out.” Keith looked tired and confused, his entire body was straining. “We still don’t know what caused this, or what triggered your transformation, but,” she took a breath and began to raise the disc. Keith’s confused lilac face slid out of view.“Keith, you are part Galra.”

They all held their breaths. This moment was about Keith. Keith with his new body. Keith with his purple hair and pointed ears and yellow eyes trained on—

“Sh-Shiro.” 

When they locked eyes Shiro’s throat constricted. He didn’t know what to do, what to say— This was his best friend but it  _ wasn’t.  _ This was a visual manifestation of his greatest anxieties. While imprisoned, he had worried for so long about the Galra getting their hands on his friends—on his family— and now, he’s free, hurtling through space actively battling the galra empire, yet helpless to save Keith.

The other boy looked stricken, face ashen in a way only purple skin could be. He stumbled backwards and then was running from the room.

“Keith,” Shiro choked out; but even to his own ears it sounded wrong, ill-fit for the person he had just looked at. He shook himself and lurched forward. He had to do something,  _ say _ something. He couldn’t just let Keith be alone— he had to look after him, protect him—Keith was like his brother, he couldn’t just let this—

“Let him go,” Allura said from nearby. Shiro was held against her, one hand wrapped around the front of his waist and a hand on his chest, which was heaving, holding him tight against her. “You both need time.” Shiro twitched in her arms, and Allura tightened her hold. Shiro’s heart was pounding. And he felt tears sting in his eyes. “Shiro, I need you to calm down. You’re overwhelmed.” She spoke softly against his ear, warm breath fanning across the side of his face, but nothing seemed to calm him right now. He was sinking, falling down into— “Shiro, I need you to focus on my voice. Stay with me.” He gasped for breath and he felt her arms loosen to allow for the frantic movements of his chest. 

“Shiro?” Pidge said, voice shaking. It sounded like it was coming from underwater.

“Hunk,” Allura said, voice suddenly firm, “Water pouches. Take them to my quarters. Pidge, with me.” Hunk left the room. Allura’s face turned back towards him and she began to speak in his ear again, a litany of ‘breathe—take your time—I’m going to—just breathe—almost—‘ until he felt his head hit something soft. 

He was laying on his side on a bed. Allura was at his back, stroking up and down and coaxing him into breathing normally. He knew Pidge was somewhere; every once in a while her voice would join the comforting murmurs. Hunk came in and Allura thanked him, but he left soon after. 

Shiro lost time then. He slept without sleeping, coasting on the tidal wave of emotions and fear-fueled mental images, just waiting for it break and go rolling into the aether. 

 

* * *

 

Shiro woke up in the middle of the night. He was in a lavish bedroom, tightly wrapped in a warm blanket. He rolled onto his back and looked up at the ceiling. He heard breathing nearby, and looked to his right. Allura was sitting up, reading on her tablet. Without looking, she reached over and patted his hair.

“Rest, Shiro. You are safe,” she whispered. He wiggled his arms free of the blanket and sat up on his elbows. She jumped, turning to look at him. “Shiro! You’re awake. How are you feeling?”

“What happened to me? Where am I?”

“This is my bedroom. We decided to look after you here. It is the easiest to get to from  the med bay and you were rather… distressed. We’ve been with you here ever since.”

“We?” Allura nodding and turned her head to the far side of the bed. Shiro sat all the way up, following her gaze. Pidge was curled up in a ball beneath another fluffy blanket, snoring gently.

“She refused to leave you.” Shiro sighed and hung his head in his hands. 

“I’m sorry for being trouble, princess. I won’t let it happen again.” She sighed, setting her tablet aside and leaning towards him, laying a hand on his back. 

“Shiro, if you need anything, we’re all—“ 

“Is he okay? Did he eat?” Allura gave him a sad smile, but nodded.

“Hunk took him some food. Keith would not open the door, but Hunk left it outside and later the plate was empty. It was too much food for the mice so…” Shiro nodded, ignoring the princess’s attempt at humor. Allura sighed. “We all know you care for him Shiro. There is no shame in that. You are both going through a lot right now, and—” He stood up suddenly.

“I’ll take Pidge back to her room,” he said, moving around the bed. He scooped the sleeping girl into his arms with practiced ease, wrapping the blanket around her.

“Shiro—“ He put a finger to his lips, gesturing to Pidge, and quickly walked across the room. He stopped at the door and, without turning around—

“Good night, princess. Thank you.”

Shiro walked with Pidge to her bedroom. He carefully navigated the room, just as cluttered with wires and tools as usual, crossing to the bed. He balanced Pidge on his cybernetic arm and bent down, pulling back the blankets. He laid Pidge in the bed and pulled the covers up over her. He ran his hand over her hair then removed her glasses, setting them on her bedside table.

“Shiro?” She mumbled, voice thick with sleep. “Are you okay?

“I’m fine Pidge. We’ll talk in the morning,” he said quietly. He turned to leave.

“I was really scared for you.” He stopped, shoulders tensing. “I knew you had flashbacks and attacks and things—and I mean, we all know and do our best to help— but that one was scary.” Pidge sat up and put her glasses back  on.

“I’m sorry I scared you Pidge.” He turned around and gave her a smile, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Try to get some sleep—“

“You were shaking and crying but you kept talking about Keith—“

“Pidge, honestly—“

“Takashi, are you okay?” They were both still. It had been years since Pidge, or anyone, had called him by his first name.

“Not right now, Pidge, but I will be.”

Shiro left then, taking himself to his bedroom. He went into his bathroom and looked at himself. He was a mess, bags beneath his eyes and dried sweat creating a layer of grime on his face. He turned on the shower and stripped without looking at his reflection. He stepped into the steaming water, and stood without moving for a long stretch of time, simply letting the hot water pound the back of his neck and shoulders into numbness. At some point he washed up, then cut off the water and stepped out, wrapping a towel around his waist. 

He stepped into his bedroom and looked around. He looked at the empty bed, and sighed. He knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep that night. At least not without his subconscious warning him of what he would wake up to. 

**Author's Note:**

> Shiro needs a hug.
> 
> Please leave comments and Kudos! They keep me going.
> 
> Come yell at me on [tumblr](https://profoundprincessface.tumblr.com/)!
> 
> the other Outtake from chapter 7, this one about Lance, found [here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/10127975)!
> 
> Here's chapter [8](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9216500/chapters/22702898)! Back to the story!


End file.
